If you're like me, making friends can be extremely challenging. I struggle with bad social anxiety and often find it hard to be myself and talk to people. Over time, I've collected a few tools that have helped me with this problem.
If making friends does not come naturally to you, that is totally fine. You are perfect the way you are and may just need some tools that fit your brain. So, let's get on with it.
1. Give Yourself a Role or Job- If you're like me, it can be very hard to talk to people or start a conversation. Giving yourself some kind of role or job can surprisingly really help in these situations and make you feel more comfortable. So what do I mean by a role or job? For example, let's say I just started at a new school and want to make friends. I know I need to talk to people, but I don't know where to begin. A great way to make this situation more comfortable is to assign a role to myself. In this situation, an example role is, "a person who is entered in a competition where they must speak to 5 people to win". As you can see, you can get very creative with these roles. Giving yourself a role or job like this can help take your mind off of whatever it is you're worried about and make your goals seem less daunting.
2. Talk About Yourself- Talking about yourself to people you've just met can be hard. However, if your goal is to make friends and meet new people, a great way to connect with them is to reveal parts of your life while you talk. For example, if someone asked me how I am, I could say, "I'm good. I'm currently writing a fun article about how to make friends". By little details like that to your conversations, you will more easily connect with people and might even start a conversation!
3. Compliment People and Ask Questions- Complimenting people and asking them questions is a great way to start getting to know someone. Now, when I say ask people questions, I don't mean quiz them or interrogate them. When I say ask someone questions, I mean ask them where their shoes are from or where they got their notebook. By tying together giving a compliment and asking a question, you will be left with something like, "Hey, I really like your hat, I've been looking everywhere for one like that. Where'd you get it?". Giving a complement can make someone feel comfortable around you and asking a question can either start a conversation or give them an opportunity to tell you a little bit about themselves. In my example, I also added a little bit about myself and revealed I'd been looking for a hat like that.
4. Don't Try To Appear Perfect- A common thing I used to do when around new people is try to appear perfect. By doing so, I appeared unapproachable. Obviously, when making new friends you want to appear approachable and a good way to do that is allow yourself to make mistakes. Studies have shown that small mistakes such as spilling a drink only make people more endearing in the eyes of others. You do not have to look and act perfect in order for people to like you. Being human and making mistakes is an important step in making friends.
5. Show Others That You Care About Them- When making friends, you want to make sure that people feel comfortable around you and know you're interested in being friends with them. A great way to do this is to let them know that you like them and care about them. A good way to do this is to greet people when you arrive, say goodbye to them when you leave, and remember events such as birthdays and big details about their life. This will make them feel heard and cared for.
Making friends can feel impossible sometimes. It's ok to not make friends easily and struggle to make a connection. These are a few tools for you to use and try out that might make the process a bit easier for you. If these tools help you, great! If not, don't give up on making friends. There are so many different types of personalities and brains out there. The way people make friends varies so much from person to person. You're not broken or unlikeable if you struggle to make friends, you just might need to do things a bit differently.
I hope these tips help!
Love,
Grace
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