Hello and welcome to my blog! In this post, I will be talking about how I found out I was a lesbian after 18 years of life. You may be thinking, "How the heck did you not know you were a lesbian?". To put it simply, I was very, very confused. As a child, I was always very attracted to women. I however thought that what I was feeling was jealously. I thought that I was jealous of these girls and wanted to be like them instead of being attracted to them. I was very confused about my feelings and emotions and, unfortunately, didn't understand them until very recently. Abut a year ago, I got into a relationship with a boy. Now, I thought I loved this boy and was attracted to him. We had sex many, many times, but I never enjoyed it. I thought I was broken or had some kind of medical issue. In reality, I was never attracted to him. I was never broken, and I see this now. A few months after we broke up, I began spending more time with myself and learning about me. This is when I began to realize that I never really felt attracted to men, but instead had an idea in my brain that I needed their approval. I was confused again. This time, I confused attraction with an unhealthy and stupid idea that I needed male approval. Once I discovered this, I put pieces together from my life and came to a conclusion. I'm a lesbian. I always have been. Now, I'm just less confused and enjoy more quality time with myself.
It's ok to be confused. It's even more ok to have absolutely no clue what your sexuality is. Sexuality is way more complicated than anyone ever tells you, and that's ok. Labels are absolutely not needed, so don't ever let anyone pressure you to feel like you need one.
So, lets go over some of this again in a nice, organized way. How did I know I was a lesbian? Well...
1. I constantly admired women and thought I was jealous of them. In reality, I was attracted to them.
2. I hated sex with a man. It just didn't feel right.
3. I realized I confused attraction to men with a sexist idea put into my head that I needed male approval.
These were three very big indicators for me.
Like I said before, you should absolutely not feel pressured to have a definite label on your sexuality. These are just a few things that I thought I would share. I hope this was interesting in some way!
Love,
Grace
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